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How would you like your 'headline act' to become a 'woman with big hair'! OR your Chinese translation company to "consummate all of the customers' Chinese translation requirements"

Oh dear you say, but unfortunately it is true.

You can avoid falling into some of these traps by selecting qualified, experienced translators familiar with the two cultures and with native capability in both English and Chinese. Ask us how. If you come across a humorous cross-cultural story or mis-translation, we'd love to hear about it.

 

"Ploise come, I need the ploice"

 

Names on business cards are fraught with problems. So-called 'China experts' are too sometimes! A 'China expert' gave a colleague a Chinese name. It was "essential that my name be remembered by potential business contacts"; the name given potentially could be mistaken for pig, hence very memorable. You can't always trust 'experts' who don't deal with translation and naming issues day in-day out.

As we tackle more and more wine labels and tasting notes translations, we are coming across hilarious Chinese translations - anyone for toast with your wine: "This fresh bright chardonnay has a French oak aroma. Enjoy it with buttered lemon toast for an orange taste. Enjoy with pork, chicken, Italian pasta or soft cheese." oh, don't forget the toast with your breakfast wine too!

Chinese delegations beware of Tour Guides masquerading as interpreters

The senior Chinese officials had no idea that the interpreter they'd been given was so bad - one of the worst we've seen. He continually referred to the Governor as 'Commissioner', confused airline with airbus, and had the delegates talking about a banquet rather than a cocktail party - and that was the tip of the iceberg

Investing is a complex subject and good advice is required.

A financial institution was pitching its bespoke proprietary investment opportunities; pity the translation referred purely to property investments.

And there's more ... the same bespoke investment "exclusive of fees" somehow transformed into "inclusive of fees" - could be very costly to the institution which had no idea!

Legal agreements for a university referred to international students that were in the pipeline; you can envisage the bodgy translation - picture those same students crouched over in that large pipe ... True,I'm afraid!

You won't believe this one!

Log in - emerged in Chinese as logging - as in clearing trees. We hope this is a machine translation, it would be incredible to think of such appalling human work!

You better take care with translations out of China too. We see blooper tragedies on a daily basis:

From the basic: Contact person (联系人) translated into English as 'Linkman'; and in an advertisement for translation services:
It represents a great pleasure for Translation secrets agency which concern for Translation solutions to announce it's need for qualified translators working with ( English Chinese) Language pairs because of the rising demand for these couples. It has been known that our agency which established just before 3 years has become the first choice for so many clients because it's brilliant reputation among translation market.

Gosh, pretty shocking stuff - makes you wonder how they'd judge a 'qualified translator', doesn't it!

And there is more - "Is it taste delicacy one hundred bad smell all over China to want" - Xi'an Tourism and the Sheraton Hotel are not doing themselves any favours:

price suck double breakfast weekend among being luxurious

Translation by machine or unqualified translators sucks!

And the latest one doing the rounds, quickly expunged from all websites, is a China Eastern Airlines blooper. "Please wait outside rice-flour noodle" - Get it?

It was meant to say please wait behind the one metre line! Hungry passengers swamped the check in desk (no, I was joking about the hungry passengers!)

The wife of a client decided she could translate a business letter to Chinese for him. His name 'Cos' in English she must have looked up in the dictionary as it became COS in Chinese meaning the mathematical cosine (as in trigonometry!)

Charles Qin was interpreting for George Bush's speech to APEC in Sydney when the President made reference to being very happy to be attending OPEC! Not an interpreter blooper, just a president who was a bit disoriented.

Translators often pick up errors in the English text. At Chin Communications we were recently preparing an advertisement for local Chinese press when we noticed the wording: "Terrific Message Channel",we wondererd what this exciting technology meant and realised it was supposed to be "Traffic Message Channel" The Chinese version was correct; and the client was delighted that we'd picked up this blunder in their English advertising.

Speaking of presidents, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton got very hot under the collar in Africa at a conference when, through an interpreter, the question was asked what would her husband think about this policy. She replied "I'm the Secretary of State, if you want to know what I think I'll tell you; it has nothing to do with my husband!" An interpreter error was behind this embarrassment.

A Guide book for Chinese investors was translated in China and full of absolute clangers:

Bridging finance became 'funding for building bridges'
Trading banks became 'banks trading in goods'
Building Society was translated to invoke the strengthening of society ...

It is obvious that the translator had little knowledge of Australian institutions, systems and practices and rendered this book, meant to attract investment, into a blooper case study which wouldn't attract much more than some more blooper opportunities!

Wine labels - we do many of them and often the producer in Australia has a distributor in China who provides the back label translation.

If you are in this boat, take care - one we saw recently would be sent back, or tipped down the sink as the translation was laughable: "juicy" described the taste of the wine by the "tasting participants" became "saucy" or "titillating" and the tasters were "bartenders" - good job if you can get it! A "lingering finish" - a desirable trait in a wine was a "brown veneer" - yuck wouldn't want to drink that - echoes of melamine!

Like the headline act above, this company was promoting its "editing and recording suites", the only problem was the translation: "recording artists in three piece suits" - unlikely we think!

A large education institution in Australia prepared a prospectus in Chinese - it was translated and typeset by us at Chin Communications. We used the official translation of the institution's name throughout; a Chinese agent decided to change this to one of the other names the institution is known by without consultation - result 10,000 expensive books had to be pulped

We were contacted by a business about to embark on a first important trip to China and needing business cards correctly prepared. We advised them of our process and fees and timeline, but they decided to go with a quote that was one-quarter of ours - we wondered how anyone could deliver quality, let alone stay in business with such a price - anyway, when we followed up to make sure the cards had been done properly, it turns out that they never turned up, leaving the business high and dry and without the all-important business card for their trip!

Jodi Brunner, Feng Shui Master, buys special compasses in bulk for her Feng Shui business. Good job she doesn't need to refer to the instructions: "The compass horizontal is taking by all means must, moreover, below must be far away from each kind of goods which enumerates, only then may avoid the magnetic needle occurring confusedly".

All translation material should be verified, the Ministry of Justice in the UK ordered recently, when it was revealed that a translation in Russian pointed to the "execution yard"! Not too many takers for the "exercise yard" after that .

A client sent us some brochures in Chinese and English that had been translated, typeset, printed and distributed. After some funny feedback, they thought something was wrong. Unfortunately the company that did the translation sent on the wrong files - the Chinese versions that were printed had placeholder or dummy text in position - presumably to give the client an idea of what it would look like.

How careless was the translation company in their project management? What cost not just in dollars, but reputation distributing nonsensical information to potential buyers?

In a journal promoting Australian mining and minerals to the Chinese, the very opposite was happening - see below for just one snippet of a mangled Chinese translation:

source: But Wilson said there were no new coal basins in Australia's east that were not severely challenged by infrastructure, with the big, established players often dominating and prospective acreage up to 200-600km from the coast.

The worrying translation said:

But Wilson said, there are no new coal mines in Australia's east, although the east will not be seriously challenged by infrastructure, where big companies are basically 200-600 kms from the coastline.

We understand budget constraints sometimes mean a cheaper quote wins! Important to know about the experience and skills of the company you choose for translations. A Victorian government department in producing information for the public did go with the cheaper quote - unfortunately the results were very poor and the book had to be redone - ended up costing a lot more than our original quote. Quality processes and guarantees are important - make sure you know who you are dealing with.

Tim Holding, former Minister for Finance, and other portfolios in the Victorian Government was represented in a Chinese publication as Minister Tim, Holding Company for Victoria.

In an arbitration in the Melbourne County Court, the interpreter engaged by the court continually interpreted 'Department of Customs' into a 'customer department'. Don't let the court appoint your interpreter!

Computers translated these, see if you can work them out:

• Thank you very much" was translated into "Thank you. It's expensive";

• The sequence of numbers "1 2 3" became "2:59"
  (Australian Institute of Interpreters and Translators Newsletter, Feb 2000)

'Nursing home' became 'accommodation house for nurses' in the hands of an interpreter from overseas, unfamiliar with Australian practice.

'Promotion Centre' became 'pushing heart' in a Chinese translation - you can see what they are getting at, can't you!

• General Motors' Nova car was marketed in Central and South America; unfortunately No Va in Spanish means 'it doesn't go'.
• Clairol's Mist Stick in English (a curling iron) became a 'manure stick' as 'mist' means manure in German.

The Odd Spot in the Age Newspaper reported on a translation going very wrong:
A British teenager thought he had "love, honour and obey" tattooed on his arm in Chinese and got a shock when a waitress in a Chinese restaurant laughed, telling him the tattoo in fact meant: "At the end of the day, this is an ugly boy."
Age Newspaper, 8 June 2002

Another restaurant story. A Briton had been showing off his tattoo for more than a quarter of a century when he found out that it wasn't his name, but 'Coca Cola'. His favourite Chinese restaurant definitely should stick to rice!
Age Newspaper, 23 October 2007

Kevin Rudd, when he worked as a diplomat, once was asked by Ross Garnaut, then Ambassador to Beijing, to interpret at a meeting. Kevin Rudd himself spoke about a gaffe he made with humour: the opening of the ambassador's remarks mentioned the unprecedented closeness of the relationship (between the two countries). The result - the older officials' faces went white, while the younger ones burst out laughing. What Rudd had said in what he thought was elegant Chinese in fact referred to fantastic simultanous orgasms. I think Kevin Rudd would be the first to acknowledge the need for professional, native speaker interpreters to avoid embarrassment. Chinese, a tonal language, presents many hidden traps for the non-native speaker.

The cartoon strip Ginger Meggs is read in many countries. Ginger’s billy cart has “C’mon the Blues” plastered across it; as we know in Australia – this means Carlton Football Club, NSW Blues and any other team with a predominantly navy blue jersey. The Spanish version, however has “Bring on the Miseries”!
AUSIT – Australian Institute of Interpreters and Translators e-bulletin, 23 December, 1999

A business card translated into English had the acronym ASS - Australian Satellite Services as its logo!

The following quotes are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. Pity the poor interpreters, or perhaps things would have been much clearer using interpreters.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an Autopsy 
As reported on AUSIT e-bulletin

A cover story in Spectrum (Sydney Morning Herald) Mouse or Rat: Translation or Negotiation “A hilarious example occurred a few years ago, when a Japanese interpreter translated a formal introduction of the British Permanent Under-Secretary for Foreign Affairs (Head of the Foreign Office) as 'eternal lesser typist'".
Sydney Morning Herald "Spectrum”, Saturday 2 April 2005

"You start in October to play in September, and when it's taken away from you by June it's hard to keep getting up" - think about the challenges translating a sentence like this for the Melbourne Football Club. You need more than language skills don't you! The local experience and culture are vital to get the meaning through with the same sense of despair!

What about patients in a hospital being referred to as 'deconditioned' - Victorian Government, or 'an act of asymmetrical warfare' referring to the suicide of Guantanamo Bay detainees! Pity the poor translator. When you write your copy, try and use plain language.

Here are a few other gems that have been around for a while:

• Pepsodent tried to sell its toothpaste in Southeast Asia by emphasizing that it "whitens your teeth." They found out that the local natives chew betel nuts to blacken their teeth which they find attractive.
• U.S. and British negotiators found themselves at a standstill when the American company proposed that they "table" particular key points. In the U.S. "Tabling a motion" means to not discuss it, while the same phrase in Great Britain means to "bring it to the table for discussion."
• Kellogg had to rename its Bran Buds cereal in Sweden when it discovered that the name roughly translated to "burned farmer."
• In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into "Schweppes Toilet Water."
• In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
• Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive sideways.
• Canned vegetables in Africa with pictures of happy children on the can - faux pas being that in countries with high rates of illiteracy, cans normally contain pictures of what is inside!

And risk can be very high in the simplest of texts or utterances such as the one at a Melbourne hospital where an interpreter heard "This operation may cause death" and in their translation of that sentence changed "may" to "will", (fortunately in front of an English speaking relative of the patient who was able to rectify the situation and enable the patient to make a good decision about their treatment).
Chris Poole Translation, on AUSIT e-bulletin 14 April 2005

We have all laughed at translations of instructions, labels, etc that find their way into Australia. These can be nonsensical as you will see below; the same can apply to translations from English into Chinese when the underlying English is not understood.

We particularly like this one from a company brochure:

"Look at our delightful actuality, I can't calm my emotion. Thinking back the past decade, and the splendid undertaking of ours, we also felt the millstone over our shoulders.

Facing the un-come-at-able opportunity, the industrialist just like me are taking on the repay the country with our industry.

The causation of these achievements owe to the progress of the society and the development of the times, meanwhile, the Development of the enterprise have created fortune for the people and the society.

Nowadays, the people of Ruiyun should tone the western exploitation's time and market innovation of China and grasp the pulse of the economy of the world and innovate at every time, we should practice more to strengthen our enterprise, to actualize the new aim of redound upon the people."

If you come across a blooper worthy of inclusion, please  it to us.

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